More than a buzzword: A practical shift in parenting
You’ve probably heard the term “trauma-informed” from school personnel or therapists. It’s a concept gaining mainstream recognition, and for good reason.
But as a parent, you might wonder: What does trauma-informed parenting actually mean for my family, in my living room, with my teenager? Is it just another buzzword, or is it a practical approach that can truly help a struggling child?
If your teen has experienced significant distress—a major life event, chronic stress, or prolonged periods of anxiety or depression—their brain and body may be on high alert. This isn’t a choice; it’s a survival response.
Understanding this will fundamentally change how you approach supporting them. You don’t need to implement new rules. You need to shift your perspective to build a deeper, more empathetic connection.
The lens of trauma changes everything
Parenting through trauma means shifting from asking, “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?”
Challenging behaviors—outbursts, withdrawal, defiance, anxiety—are often a teen’s best (though sometimes unhealthy) attempt to cope with overwhelming feelings or past pain.
A trauma-informed approach acknowledges that
- Trauma is widespread: Trauma is more than catastrophic events. It encompasses chronic stress, bullying, neglect, or living in an unpredictable environment.
- Trauma changes the brain: As the National Child Traumatic Stress Network explains, traumatic experiences can disrupt a teen’s brain development, making it harder for them to regulate emotions, trust others, and make decisions.
- Behavior is communication: Difficult behaviors are often desperate communication of an unmet need or unexpressed feeling.
Understanding this is transformative, allowing you to respond with compassion and intention rather than frustration.
The principles outlined below offer practical guidance you can use today. They are based on the six guiding principles of a trauma-informed approach outlined by SAMHSA, which include safety, trustworthiness, choice, collaboration, and empowerment.
(For parents seeking broader or more structured learning, consider trauma-informed parenting classes, which can provide invaluable tools and insights.)
5 principles of trauma-informed parenting
Parenting after trauma requires patience and a willingness to learn new ways of interacting. These five principles provide a practical framework:
- Safety (physical and emotional first): Create a predictable home environment with clear and consistent routines for bedtime, meals, and chores. Give warnings before transitions. Ensure your home is a place where your teen feels physically safe and emotionally heard. Avoid yelling or aggressive tones; as discussed here, regulate your own emotions first.
- Trustworthiness and transparency: Be honest and follow through on what you say. When setting boundaries, explain why in a calm, respectful way. A teen whose trust has been broken needs to consistently experience you as a safe and predictable presence.
- Choice: Trauma often involves a loss of control. Empower your teen by offering choices whenever possible. Instead of “Do your homework now,” try “Would you like to do your homework before or after dinner?” or “Would you like to do it at the kitchen table or in your room?” Even small choices can restore a sense of agency.
- Collaboration and peer support: Work with your teen, involving them in problem-solving and decision-making where appropriate. Seek parent support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who understand your unique challenges. Knowing you’re not alone in parenting through trauma is incredibly powerful.
- Empowerment: Focus on your teen’s strengths and resilience. Help them identify what they’re good at, what they enjoy, and what makes them feel strong. Teach them about their brain and how trauma affects it, so they can understand their own reactions and develop their own coping skills. Empower them to self-advocate.
When professional support is essential
Implementing trauma-informed parenting strategies at home is incredibly powerful.
However, if your teen is struggling with the profound effects of past trauma, professional therapy is often essential. Unresolved trauma can manifest as severe PTSD, chronic anxiety, or depression, any of which require specialized clinical support.
At Avery’s House, our approach is rooted in trauma-informed care. Our compassionate therapists create a safe, understanding environment where teens can process difficult experiences, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and begin to heal.
We work with entire families to help every member learn to communicate and support one another through the healing process.
Parenting after trauma is complex, but you are not alone. With understanding, patience, and the right support, you can help your teen build a foundation for lasting healing and resilience.
Contact Avery’s House today to learn how our trauma-informed programs can support your family.
