The emotional cost of peer support
Your teen has done the right thing: they’ve confided in you that a friend is struggling.
Perhaps they’ve seen troubling posts, received overwhelming messages, or been burdened with secrets about self-harm or suicidal thoughts.
You’re proud of your child for stepping up, but you’re also deeply worried. The emotional weight of a friend’s crisis is intense, and your teen—who may already be dealing with anxiety—is now carrying this weight.
If your teen is trying to navigate a friend’s mental health crisis, you are in a critical position.
Your job is twofold: to safeguard your child’s well-being while teaching them how to be a truly supportive and safe presence for their friend. You must teach them to be an effective helper, not a substitute therapist.
The peer burden: Why it’s so stressful for teens
Adolescents are wired for empathy, but they are poorly equipped for the complexities of a friend’s mental health struggles or emotional trauma. This situation is especially stressful because teens
- Lack the necessary tools: They don’t have the experience or training to manage suicidal ideation or severe depression, and they may feel responsible for a problem they cannot fix.
- Fear betrayal: Teens worry because helping their friend may require breaking their confidence.
- Internalize the pain: According to The Jed Foundation, when a close friend is struggling, teens often experience “secondary trauma,” leading to anxiety, sleep disturbances, or depressive feelings.
How to help: Teaching your teen the “3 Cs” of support
As a parent, your role is to help your teen understand that helping their friend requires effective communication, connecting the friend to a caring adult, and focusing on their own mental health.
1. Communicate with validation (choose the right words)
Is your teen asking what to say to someone struggling with mental health? Teach them that simple, nonjudgmental phrases are the most powerful form of support.
| Instead of this | Say this |
| Just snap out of it. | I hear you, and it sounds incredibly painful. |
| You need to be stronger. | I’m so glad you told me. I’m worried about you, and I care. |
| It’s not that bad. | How can you make this better? I don’t know, but we can find help together. |
2. Connect to an adult (create a safety net)
Confirm for your teen that they cannot keep a life-threatening secret. Help them understand that breaking confidentiality to ensure a friend’s safety is an act of loyalty, not betrayal.
- The rule: Tell your teen, “If your friend is talking about suicide, self-harm, or severe danger, you must tell a trusted adult immediately. You are not equipped to handle this alone.”
- The action: Guide them to call a crisis line, tell a teacher, or come directly to you. The National Alliance on Mental Illness advises contacting the friend’s parents directly or calling 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline).
3. Create healthy boundaries (self-protect)
Teach your teen that helping a friend with depression requires taking care of themselves. If the friend’s crisis is constant, it will deplete your teen.
- Encourage self-care: Remind your teen to eat, sleep, and enjoy their hobbies. This is crucial to prevent burnout.
- Set time limits: “I can talk for 15 minutes, but then I need to finish my homework.”
When to intervene: A line you must cross
As the parent, you must be the safety net.
If your teen is afraid to tell, you must gather the information and take action yourself. This may be painful, but your responsibility is clear.
If your teen tells you their friend has a plan to harm themselves, is actively self-harming, or is severely out of control, you must treat it as an emergency.
Immediately direct your teen to the nearest trusted adult (school counselor, team coach) or act yourself. This is the moment to follow the protocol detailed here: What to do when a teen is having a mental breakdown.
At Avery’s House, we understand the tremendous pressure teens face when helping a friend through a crisis.
Our therapists specialize in teaching teens emotional regulation, stress management, and healthy boundary-setting to help them develop the resilience needed to support others without sacrificing themselves.
You are raising a compassionate child. Let us help you teach them how to safely support a friend in crisis.
Contact Avery’s House today to ensure your teen is equipped with the tools needed to thrive while being a supportive friend.
