The exhaustion of social performance
If your teenager has received a diagnosis of autism or ADHD, you finally have a roadmap for understanding their world.
But a new challenge often emerges: helping them navigate the confusing, ever-changing rules of the social environment.
You might notice your teen trying hard yet frequently misunderstanding social cues, which can cause exhaustion, isolation, and anxiety.
This isn’t due to their lack of social skills. Instead, it’s often caused by attempting to operate within a neurotypical social system that wasn’t designed for them.
Neurodivergent teens don’t need fixing. They need a translator and a toolkit.
This guide will help you gently support the development of your teen’s social skills in ways that build confidence and reduce the profound stress of feeling misunderstood.
The stress of masking: Why social skills training is essential
For a teen with autism or ADHD, social interaction is often an intense performance known as masking or camouflaging.
Such neurodivergent teens spend significant mental energy trying to mimic behavior, maintain eye contact, and suppress self-stimulatory behaviors—all of which can increase anxiety and lead to severe burnout.
As we discuss here, because these conditions manifest differently in adolescents, they are sometimes overlooked for years.
It’s often not until a teen finally receives a diagnosis that the approach shifts from forcing conformity to teaching practical, low-energy strategies for connection.
This is the goal of modern social skills training for teens: to equip them with reliable tools that lessen confusion and the daily exhaustion caused by social interaction.
Practical but gentle strategies for boosting teen social skills
Effective social skills training for autism and ADHD is highly specific, gentle, and focused on understanding social mechanics rather than emotional performance. Here are some key features:
1. Translate unwritten social rules (provide the why)
Demystify your teen’s social environment. For example, instead of simply telling them to look at people when they talk, explain why (e.g., In neurotypical conversation, looking at someone signals you are processing information, making the other person feel heard). Visual aids or scripts can also be useful to break down complex social tasks like group projects or initiating small talk.
2. Practice social debugging
Teach reflective analysis. After a difficult social encounter, don’t critique. Instead, review it calmly: “That was tough. What was the goal of that conversation? Did the other person’s tone match their words?” This turns social mistakes into data points, not failures. As emphasized by Child Mind Institute, turning social setbacks into learning opportunities builds resilience.
3. Encourage side-by-side connections
Teen social skills develop best when focus is on a shared interest, not a skillful conversation, as this can reduce performance anxiety. Encourage activities like hiking, coding clubs, gaming, or volunteering, which allow for low-stakes, shoulder-to-shoulder connection based on shared passions. These social interactions are often easier for neurodivergent teenagers to handle than direct eye contact or small talk
4. Explore social skills groups
A group or structured social skills class led by a therapist offers a safe, controlled environment for practicing skills. Such social skills training for teens is ideal because it uses role-playing and provides immediate, objective feedback from a professional. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly supports targeted social skills interventions for adolescents with autism and ADHD as effective, evidence-based behavioral therapies.
The Avery’s House approach: Treating underlying anxiety
When a neurodivergent teen has spent years struggling to develop social skills, the cumulative effect can be overwhelming anxiety, burnout, or depression. Their system may be exhausted from constantly trying to pass as neurotypical.
At Avery’s House, our therapists provide specialized social skills training for teens by addressing the root emotional issues.
We recognize that treating co-occurring anxiety is essential. Only when a teen’s stress and anxiety are managed do they have the mental capacity to benefit from social skills intervention.
Our neuro-affirming environment ensures all teens feel safe, accepted, and understood, allowing them to finally put down the mask and begin building genuine relationships.
We understand that teaching teens social skills isn’t about changing who they are. It’s about giving them the confidence to connect authentically with the world around them.
Contact Avery’s House today to discuss how we can partner with your family to support your teen’s unique journey toward social confidence.
