Google Reviews
We’re a Teen Residential Treatment Facility in Arizona & Idaho, offering support for teens and resources to help parents navigate their child’s challenges.
Parenting a teen isn’t easy, especially when it comes to communication. Teens might pull away or shut down, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to be heard. They want to feel like their words and feelings matter.
This guide helps parents use active listening to build trust, reduce conflict, and create more honest conversations at home.
What is active listening?
Active listening is giving someone your full attention to understand their words, emotions, tone, and body language. It’s not about waiting for your turn to speak—it’s about being fully present. Active listening means focusing on the whole person and not just their words.
When you actively listen to your teen, you show them that their feelings are valid and that you care about their perspective.
This can increase their willingness to share and strengthen your relationship. Active listening is a skill that can help improve communication with your child across adolescence.
How to practice active listening
Active listening requires intention, patience, and a willingness to stay focused in the moment. Here are specific ways to practice it effectively:
Stay present and focused
Being mentally and physically present tells your teen that what they say matters. Try to:
- Remove distractions: Silence your phone, turn off the TV, and ensure your environment is calm. This helps you give undivided attention.
- Maintain eye contact: This shows you’re engaged and interested without intimidating.
- Watch their body language: Tension, restlessness, or silence can reveal more than words. Facial expressions are also useful cues for how they’re feeling.
Create space for expression
Teens need room to express themselves without interruption or judgment. You can:
- Let them finish speaking: Avoid cutting them off or correcting them mid-sentence. Even if you disagree, listen.
- Accept silence: Moments of quiet allow your teen to process and share more clearly.
- Avoid immediate reactions: Holding back judgment encourages honesty and makes them feel like they’re in a safe space.
Use verbal cues that show interest
Simple affirmations can show that you’re listening and encourage them to keep talking. Make sure to:
- Offer brief acknowledgments: Say things like “I see,” “That makes sense,” or “Go on.” Saying things like this encourages your teen to keep talking.
- Ask for clarification: Questions like “What happened next?” or “Can you tell me more?” deepen the conversation and show you’re paying attention.
- Keep your body still and focused: Avoid multitasking while they speak—being attentive shows respect.
Reflect and clarify what you hear
Rephrasing what your teen says shows you’re listening and allows them to clarify. You can:
- Paraphrase key points: Say, “So it sounds like you felt ignored when that happened.” This helps validate your child’s thoughts and feelings.
- Check your understanding: Ask, “Is that what you meant?” to clarify and prevent misunderstanding.
- Identify emotions: Offer statements like, “That seems frustrating.” This helps them express their feelings when they do not have the words.
Respond with empathy and calm
Your reaction will either open or close the door to future conversations. Be sure to:
- Keep a steady tone: Avoid sounding sarcastic, dismissive, or overly emotional. A non-judgmental response helps create a safe space.
- Take a breath before responding: A short pause gives you time to stay calm and think rather than thinking you need to fix things immediately.
- Stay on their story: Don’t shift the conversation to your experience. Instead, offer support through presence and understanding.
Get Mental health support for teens
Avery’s House provides therapy and support to help children manage frustration and resolve conflicts at home or school. If your child struggles with their mental health, contact us to see how we can help.
LAFF Don’t CRY: a way to remember how to practice active listening
Practicing active listening can feel overwhelming in emotional moments, especially when your teen is upset. LAFF Don’t CRY is an acronym to help you remember how to stay present, supportive, and focused. Each step reinforces what it means to be an active listener and helps create a safe, respectful space for communication.
L – Listen
Empathy and presence are the foundation of trust. To do this:
- Give your full attention: Make eye contact, nod, and stay present. These listening skills help your teen feel heard.
- Let them share freely: Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions, even when your teen is upset.
- Acknowledge their effort: Say, “Thanks for telling me.” This helps build self-esteem.
A – Ask questions and ask permission to take notes
Thoughtful questions help you understand without overwhelming your teen. You can:
- Use open-ended prompts: Say, “What was that like for you?” This shows you’re really listening.
- Keep it simple: Ask one question at a time to avoid pressure. Asking too many questions can feel like an interrogation.
- Get consent for note-taking: Ask if it’s okay to jot down important points. This may be helpful if your child is experiencing mental health issues.
F – Focus on the core issue
Getting sidetracked is easy, but staying on topic helps your teen feel understood. Try to:
- Gently redirect the conversation: If it drifts, guide it back without judgment.
- Identify the main concern: Focus on what’s bothering them—a friend, school, or emotional well-being.
- Remove distractions: Eliminate anything that might pull focus from your teen’s message.
F – Find a first step
Small steps create momentum and show support.
- Ask what might help: Let them take the lead in problem-solving.
- Offer one simple action: Provide a gesture of support without taking control.
- Make a plan together: Collaborating with your teen builds trust and models better decision-making.
Don’t C – Criticize others
Speaking negatively about others can harm your teen’s trust. Instead:
- Model respectful language: Criticizing others sends the wrong message about how to express feelings without blame.
- Focus on your teen’s view: Keep the attention on their experience without bringing in others.
- Avoid comparisons: Don’t bring up siblings, friends, or other young adults as benchmarks.
Don’t R – React hastily or overpromise
Quick reactions can break trust. Be sure to:
- Pause before speaking: Respond thoughtfully, especially if you want to fix the problem immediately.
- Be honest: Only agree to things you can follow through on.
- Follow through: Reliability shows your teen they can trust what you say.
Don’t Y – Yak (talk too much or guess)
Silence and simplicity help teens open up. Try to:
- Repeat what you hear: Say, “So you felt left out when…” to reflect that you’re listening attentively.
- Let silence happen: This gives your child space to gather their thoughts and express their feelings.
- Ask before assuming: Let them explain instead of guessing how your child feels.
Final thoughts
Active listening creates a foundation for connection and trust during the teen years. It doesn’t require perfect words, just your presence, patience, and willingness to hear what your teen is saying.
Good listening skills are essential whether you’re trying to solve problems, support mental health, or understand your teen’s world.
Sources
Chatzinikola ME. Active Listening as A Basic Skill of Efficient Communication Between Teachers and Parents: An Empirical Study. Eur J Educ Stud [Internet]. 2021 Nov 3;2(6):186. Available from: https://doi.org/10.24018/ejedu.2021.2.6.186